Honestly the only advice I have is to don't give an inch on the fact that you were the one outted and ridiculed, not her. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Hold on tight and never give up! I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. So many unnecessary details. Best of luck man. You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. I'm sorry. I am a very chill guy. 1. Saying that it was simply too small. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. Created by your wife. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. You should seek marriage counseling after this. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. I thanked him. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. No true friend will stab you in the back. If you are honest, people may cheat you. I probably wouldnt have. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. Ugh. Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. Yeah, I'm a married woman. That's the truth. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. No matter how much she tells you she really enjoys it, there will now always be that voice in your head that tells you she really doesn't. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. She's betrayed you. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. Those so called friends are not real friends. So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Again this is a guess. It actually did make me feel a little better. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! How much more reassurance do you need? But it needs to be on your terms. Im so sorry this happened. Neither is divorce. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. That's awful. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. Thats so tough. Good luck and I do feel for you. Think about you right now, and what you want. It won't repair the damage that's been done. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. Youre not overreacting at ALL. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. But at least this one has some panache. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. She shouldnt expect you to just forgive her and be over it in a week and you shouldnt expect yourself to be over it just because she said sorry, even if she says it through tears and begging and pleading. The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. Dont just jump straight to divorce. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. I am honestly at a loss. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. Has anyone gone through anything similar? I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Don't rush the feels phase. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. he was more "passionate" etc. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. How? You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. Do you love her more than anything? Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. Years is where the problem is wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with people! Fact of the long time married people commenting in this sub but think... 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