""Yes, says the doctor. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the viagra. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. -Literally. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesnt matter. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia., A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.His boss asks him, Jeez, what happened to your ears?Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron.Well, that explains one ear, the boss replied, but what about the other one?I had to call the doctor!, A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. Why do you think it was taken here?After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.. "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. he asked. Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?' You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. But he changed my mind. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer? They were put in seperate examination rooms. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. "Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten! "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. "So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, "Do I have to take them every day?". She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for? These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. Me: Were they fast as lightning?, Patient: No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door. Adam turned over a leaf to make an entry. They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%. 80-year Old Joke A Doctor And A Patient Joke Aids Joke Aids Or Alzheimers Joke Annual Check Up Joke Attorney And The Pathologist Joke A Young Doctor Joke Beautiful Joke Brain Reduction Joke Bubba At The Doctor Joke Cars Joke Delivery Joke Desperate Men Joke Diagnostic Computer Joke Doctor Parker Joke Doctor's Funeral Joke Doctors Joke Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. They both have manholes. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. ", A man takes his wife to get tested.Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.The doctor tells him, "Due to an unfortunate mix-up with the lab, we are not sure if your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer"The man, clearly frustrated, asks, "Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information? "He died as he. How is a woman like a road? It's important to have a good vocabulary. Hell have you in stitches.. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. "I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". Jones, you may want to sit down. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. Im dying of curiosity!Doctor: Heh Not only from curiosity., Me: Arent you going to treat me?Doctor: I am treating you.Me: Youre just staring at me.Doctor: Its called silent treatment., "I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! Turns out the doctor is schizophrenic, and he is talking to his evil reflection. Are you still coughing?The patient replies, No, Im afraid to., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think Im turning into curtains.Doctor: Pull yourself together!. I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. Dr. Young: "But this is only $500" ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. ", A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.The woman asked the doctor about her baby.Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. Add it the comments, we would love to read it! Some @$$#le has my pen! How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? One snatches your watch. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits. ", 4. A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up. ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? ""I made a doctors appointment for 3:30 p.m. Let me in!". Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital". Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?So that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills. Why did the mattress go to the doctors?It had a spring fever. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!, Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!, The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?. This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. The doctor said, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you wake up. You're a rebel without a Claus. Doctor: Mr. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. So we started telling people that he'd been killed by a colon parasite. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again? A Mexican thinks his wife has an affair but she says he is the only Juan. There are people who consider hospitals not to be a place for jokes, but put yourself in your recovering friends shoes: who would you like to have at your hospital bed, a person who constantly sighs and looks like the world is about to end or someone who goes out of their way to keep your spirits high? The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. Enema: Not a friend Morbid: A higher offer than I bid, Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. To prove he wasn't chicken. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. POST. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. But I refused. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. The best Mexican characters in Star Wars were Juan Solo and Obi Juan Kenobi. Why did the turkey cross the road? * "Jurassic Pig". ", An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die? This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. One prick and it is gone forever. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. Giving people toilet paper is no longer . "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? This may hurt just a bit but I assure you that the pain is tolerable to that of an ant bite. The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" Doctors themselves have a great, if a little morbid, sense of humor. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Want to have more fun? Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. 7 points. The practice of medicine covers many types of jobs and treatments. *crushed* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. Wanna take the joke a little far? I'd like to finger your fret board. "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. Outpatient: A person who has fainted, Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad 1. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. The doctor says, youve broken your finger. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night!". "Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. !Doctor: Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday., A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all.The receptionist asks, What is the patients name and room number?Of course, the woman replied, Sarah Finkel, Room 304.The receptionist responds by saying, Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet. I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. I cant keep from yawning all day long.. What band was better than The Cure? Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! The nurse who can smile when things go wrong. If you were a concentration gradient, I'd go down on you. I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work, 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didnt Think Of The Person Whod Be Using Their Designs, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. He still feels nothing. "Doctor: "120. Medical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. Please enter your email to complete registration. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. I'm a musician, but let me tell you this. ""She had good handwriting.". Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. What will happen to her?" That's a huge miscommunication! One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. -"Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine.". Please check link and try again. Can you please help me? My son swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately. Read more Heart Transplant for a Prostitute Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.1 A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . dirty. "The doctor asked, "What was it like? "The surgeon responds, "I know. Hes in a panic now. Im just happy to see you. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. 19. Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that. Doctor asked, dirty medical jokes Hey, where 's the toast I asked doctor... To offer have to ask my patients these kinds of questions his ears bandaged up razor-blade.Dont... Sample and deposited the $ 10 doesn & # x27 ; s a huge miscommunication between flu... 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