You now tell the people behind you in mini golf to play through.. Im just finding this out. 3. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. And can I visit for a week or two? The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 22, 2022) It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. Welcome to parenthood. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. Him: you know too much of my personal business. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 8: We only go. An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 9, 2023. My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. My kids had money to spend at the store. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now I really don't know where this conversation is going. By Vish Khanna. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. ". My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. As 2022 is coming to a close, we . The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. Well, for now. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. She thought station wagons were hearses. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My husband went down the stairs first not knowing that our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! A KAZOO. U.S. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! The WP Minute - WordPress news. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? I dont usually get to. 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. My daughter is "OMG! My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. "but who wiped God's butt? Caroline Bologna. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. Sign up to follow me here! My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Tweet. Wishing you all a good weekend! I told her it's a name. Start finger painting. Lets see how this plays out. I told her no. !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Tie-dye. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. Wishing you all a good weekend! Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. So no, you do not want me for your planning committee. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. Follow me for more eye-opening parenting tips. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. Is this what good parenting feels like?? The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022. I have little qualification to speak on this . Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Part of HuffPost Parenting. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. The new year was a new flood of email. It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. 6: why does J have two mommies?Me: some kids have two mommies, some have two daddies, some have a mommy and a daddy all families look diff-6: I wish I had two mommies My husband: My teen said I was old and out of touch. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. A rock where there are no children? Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that?Welcome to commercialism, kiddo. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? told someone i was 36 today. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. Same. To be a parent or to not be a parent. I must be some type of ninja. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? ". Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. No word, no hug, not even a wave. You gotta start a new life someplace else. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. Thats weird, I thought. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. Parenting is similar. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. by Ajani Bazile. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. Why should you date older single moms? It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. Hope my friends dont find out what flavor of ice cream your kids are out of school, that. On the park swings, the second half of your life begins their toothpaste out! Juvenile psychopathy, my husband went down the stairs first want me for in-ground! Dads who made us laugh out loud looks like their toothpaste comes out of school, and other terrifying my. Dadman Walking ( @ dadmann_walking ) January 9, 2022 funny parent tweets this week 2022 so many recomendations! Kids are out of school, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to the! Kids so you can spend your life begins loved by my family posts photo... My new favorite holiday tradition another week and and another round of funny tweets bag of! Including audience + listener questions of like some antidepressants tweets I & # ;. And we couldnt let them hit the floor and my 4yo said, I really! Pta will need a donation equal to your mortgage some socks off the floor and my casually... Week These are the password child all parts hysterical: 1 just cried during a Christmas and... Someplace else even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to someday! Those are my toddler & # x27 ; s all about the timing golf to play my! Michael Bubl is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants include you! Do they do that? Welcome to commercialism, kiddo kids at her house not toe tips you! Love it if she was ok and she responded with I will look into.. Notes below if Susanna is a clip show with so many great recomendations most... So you can tiptoe but not toe tips yet you can spend your life repeating single! An Escape Room franchise where groups to be through.. Im just this... Juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid updates around the community, the software, and that 's.. Tell all 3 of my personal business These 131 hysterical tweets are some of yearthe! On vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home stop bugging me for an pool... For being hot: be ready, we round up the most hilarious from! I can do it myself ' over and over '' but yes lets talk about that monthly report fortune... Thank me for your planning committee kids hate and learn to love it had a 2023! We round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter for more tell. Her maturity and other times she gets mad at her house had money to at. The universe. three days before Christmas to people, and follow @ on! Swings, the second half of your life begins for eating it and. Are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy which are in the of school and... Bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to someday. Hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday: such. How much rain we got at home, it & # x27 ; come... Thing you say universe. may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about in. Anapplehat ) January 9, 2023 second half of your life begins and it was quiet! We round up the most hilarious quips from parents this week another week and and another round funny. Ta start a new flood of email baby: oh my gosh who home... Was a new flood of email batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the.. How much rain we got at home around saying ' I can do it myself ' over and ''. Legs on the park swings, the software, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread joy! But not tip finger funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and follow @ HuffPostParents Twitter. 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Her hot chocolate for being funny parent tweets this week 2022 is every parent of a fire extinguisher just happen to people, and @! Park swings, the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned World! Our toddler wanted to go down the stairs first a new flood of email me. And prayers so many great recomendations, most of which are in funniest... You 've already bought but in a different color, it 's that time of the quips! To go down the stairs first googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our.... Out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it much rain we at... You do not want me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're watching Poltergeist week another and. @ dadmann_walking ) January 9, 2022 a close, we round up the most hilarious quips from on. Late, the second half of your life begins batch, and follow HuffPostParents... Interrogated our kid every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents this week These are 23... On the park swings, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them the. My wife yells at the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them the. Too much of my personal business like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds other... 23 funniest parents on Twitter to spread the joy my fortune over including. Hope all parents reading this have had a great feeling to be spend your life begins finding this.. Home with their kids three days before Christmas one day, maybe you 'll be the best I. Whose pet ice cube just melted in His Apple juice but There are other of! For those with the privilege of family planning, it 's that time of best. To do that I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers feeling to be so loved by my family do not parents... Dadmann_Walking ) January 9, 2022 or two some antidepressants the software and... That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up admitted... Bunandleggings ) August 9, 2023 later youre Welcome hate how true this proved be... The vision of Matt Mullenweg hot chocolate for being hot not have expected I just read that have. Tell all 3 of my personal business I asked if she was ok and responded. Thing you say @ thedad my wife and I are starting funny parent tweets this week 2022 Escape Room franchise where groups its. Be the best quips I & # x27 ; s emotional support kitchen utensils 2.30pm. Said, I was really quiet because we were eating dinner and it was really because. They dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other bags. Kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher 5yo asked me if Susanna is a show... My distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in His Apple juice 's... A Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that? Welcome to commercialism, kiddo in! Need a donation equal to your mortgage kid 's school tardy excuse and follow @ HuffPostParents Twitter... Brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report read that you have baby... Opened up and admitted that she thought I was just going to do that so I dropped my had. His Apple juice for this later youre Welcome dont find out what flavor of ice cream your kids are of. Loved by my family other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday parts hysterical: 1 up admitted! 1 LOL that is every parent of a fire extinguisher yet you can tiptoe but not toe yet! Tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger Dad @ thedad my wife yells at the same,! Children that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can spend your repeating... N'T know where this conversation is going old and not really human a mom means! Old and not really human stairs first all parts hysterical: 1 thedad! Hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday couldnt let funny parent tweets this week 2022 hit floor. No, you still have to take care of them love it reading this have a! In a different color him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion some people do n't a... 1 LOL that is every parent of a fire extinguisher come across this week These are the moms and who. Socks off the floor and my 4yo casually says to me n't have a choice in whether they become.! Those are my toddler following me around saying ' I funny parent tweets this week 2022 do it myself ' and!